• What is the magic requirement to learn this book? Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.
• “My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.”
• The rapidity with which we foget is astonishing.
• Only knowledge that is used sticks in you mind.
• Hesitate about doing the atural thing, the impulsive thing. This is usually wrong.
• Make a lively game out of mastering these rules.
• “What mistakes did I make that time?”, “What did I do that was right –and in what way could I have improved my preformance?”, & “What lessons can I learn from that experience?”
• Record your triumphs in the application of these principles. Be specific. Give names, dates, results.

Don't criticize, condemn, or complain

• Wrongdoers, blame everybody but themselves.
• Judge not, that ye be not judged.
• What would Lincoln do if he were in my shoes? How would he solve this problem?
• Don't complain about the snow on your neighbour's roof, said Confucius, When your own doorstep is unclean.
• I will speak ill of no man
• Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain –and most fools do.
• Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do.
• To know all is to forgive all.

Give honest and sincere appreciation.

• The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving what you want. What do you want?
• The desire to be important
  1. Health & the preservation of life.
  2. food
  3. sleep
  4. money and the things money will buy
  5. life in the hereafter
  6. Sexual gratification
  7. The well-being of our children
  8. A feeling of importance.
• The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated
• Prizes give a filling of importance
• If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I'll tell you what you are.
• Some authorities declare that people may actually go insane in order to find, in that dreamland of insanity, a feeling of importance that has been denied them in the harsh world of reality.
• Schwab says that he was paid this salary largely because of his ability to deal with people. “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm amount my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.
• I am hearty n my approbation and lavish in my praise.
• Put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.
• There is nothing I need so much as nourishment for my self-esteem.
• In the long run, flattery will do you more harm than good. The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One is unselfish; the other selfish.
• Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.
• Teach me neither to proffer nor receive cheap praise.
• Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.
• You can never say anything but what you are.
• We usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person's good points.
• Interest and approval
• The next time you enjoy fillet at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it.
• Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed.
• I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not differ nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
• Every man I meet is my superior in some way. in that, I learn of him. — Emerson
• Let's try to figure out the other person's good points.

Arouse in the other person an eager want.

• It is necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish
• So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk what they want and show them how to get it.
• Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something.
• Don't preach, show them!
• The only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants.
• Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?”
• Think about or even list the Advantages and the Disadvantages.
• Talk about what the other person wants and how he can get it.
• “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own.” —Henry Ford.
• (In a letter) You are busy, Please don't trouble to answer this note.
• If salespeople can show us how their service or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won't need to sell us. Customers like to feel they are buying –not being sold.
• The rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.
• “People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.” —Owen D. Young.
• Each party should gain from the negotiation.
• “First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. he who cannot walks a lonely way” —Professor Overstreet.
• How can we make him/her want to do it?”
• Self-expression is the dominate necessity of human nature. —William Winter

Be genuinely interested in other people

• You knew by some divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
• People are not interested in you. They are interested in themselves –morning, noon and after dinner.
• It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.
• If the author doesn't like people, people won't like his or her stories.
• I am telling you, the same things your preacher would tell you, but remember, you have to be inteested in people if you want to be a successful writer of stories.
• I am grateful because these people come to see me. They make it possible for me to make my living in a very agreeable way. I'm going to give them the very best I possibly can.
• By having a sustained interest in other people, he created a new life.
• I never forget that to be genuinely interested in other people is a more important quality for salesperson to possess –for any person, for that mater.
• We wrote them, saying we admired their work and were deeply interested in getting their advice and learning the secrets of their success.
• All of us, be workers in a factory, clerks in an office or even a king upon his throne –all of us like people who admire us.
• If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people –things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.
• For years I made it a point to find out the birthdays of my friends. How? Although I haven't the foggiest bit of faith in astrology, I began by asking the other party whether he believed the date of one's birth has anything to do with character and disposition. I then asked him or her to tell me the month and day of birth. if he or she said November 24, for example, I kept repeating to myself, “November 24, November 24. The minute my friend's back was turned, I wrote down the name and birthday and later would transfer it to a birthday book. The natal day arrived, there was my letter or telegram. What a hit it made! I was frequently the only person on earth who remembered.
• Greet people with animation and enthusiasm.
• Ask of people precisely for one minute of their time.
• “We are interested in others when they are interested in use.” —Publilius Syrus
• If you ant others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind; Become genuinely interested in other people.

Smile

• The expression one wears on one's face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one's back
• A smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”
• People who smile tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively. That's why we encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment. — Professor James V. McConnel.
• Smile when talking on the phone. Your “Smile” comes through in your voice.
• You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.
• Smile at someone every hour of the day for a week!
• Good Morning and Smile I have stopped talking about what I want. I am now trying to
• “This changed attitude of mine brought more happiness into our home in the two months since I started than there was during the last year.”
• I find that smiles are bringing me dollars. Many dollars every day.
• I have also eliminated criticism from my system. I give appreciation and praise now instead of condemnation. I am now trying to see see the other person's viewpoint. And these things have literally revolutionized my life.
• Sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there…
• Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
• “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” —Shakespeare
• Put on a bright smile and say, “Hi, how are you today?” to each person you meet.
• “A man without a smiling face must not open a shop”

Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

• Remember people's names.
• People are so proud of heir names that they strive to perpetuate them at any cost.
• Take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds.
• Take notice of every detail to which you know has been given considerable thought.
• “Most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will s by remembering names and making peple feel important” —Roosevelt
• His technique? Simple. If he doesn't hear the name distinctly, he said, “So sorry. I didn't get the name clearly.” Then, if it was an unusual name, he would say, “How is it spelled?” He took the trouble to repeople the name several times, and tried to associate it in his mind with the person's features, expression and general appearance.
• It's like MAGIC
• The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

• Listen intently. Listen because you are genuinely interested. They will felt that. That kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone.
• Be hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.
• “Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.” — Charles W. Eliot
• “I listened and sympathized with him on every point he made”
• Give a feeling of importance.
• Everyone prefers a good listener to a good talker, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.
• People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves. And “those people who think only of themselves, ” Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler said, “are hopelessly uneducated. They are not educated no matter how instructed they may be.”
• To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
• Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.

Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

• Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.
• “The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most” —Roosevelt
• He saw you were interested in boats, and he talked about the things he knew would interest and please you. He made himself agreeable.
• I'd still be drumming at him if I hadn't finally taken the trobles to find out what he was interested in, and what he injoyed talking about.
• Talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties.

Make the Other person feel important —and do it sincerely

• “I am going to try to make that clerk like me. Obviously, to make him like me, I must say something nice, not about myself, but about him. I assured him.”
• What is there about him that I can honestly admire?
• ALWAYS MAKE THE OTHER PERSON FEEL IMPORTANT
• The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature.
• The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
• Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
• Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise. All the time, everywhere.
  1. I'm sorry to trouble you…
  2. Would you be so kind as to…
  3. Won't you please…
  4. Would you mind…
  5. Thank you
• Almost everyone considers himself important, very important.
• Let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.
• Talk to people about themselves
• Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.

Principle 1
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

• Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you?
• I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the est of an argument –and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.
• Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.
• You can't win an argument
• A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.
• Refrain from talking and avoid verbal fights.
• Keep my mouth shut, it pays.
• If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will.
• Avoid arguments, change the subject, and give appreciation.
• Give a filling of importance and permit to expand their ego.
• Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love —Buddha
  1. Welcome the disagreement
  2. Distrust your first instinctive impression
  3. Control your temper
  4. Listen first
  5. Look for areas of agreement
  6. Be honest
  7. Promise to think over your opponents' ideas and study them carefully
  8. Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest
  9. Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem
• Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Will I win or lose?
• When one yells, the other should listen –because when two people yell, there is no communications, just noise and bad vibrations.

Principle 2
Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, “You're wrong.”

• If you are going to prove anything, don't let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
• Men must be taught as if you taught them not. And things unknown proposed as things forgot. —Alexander pope
• You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself. —Galileo
• Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so. —Lord Chesterfield
• One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing —Socrates
• Well, now look. I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to be put right. Let's examine the facts.
• I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let's examine the facts.
• Our business has made so many mistakes that I am frequently ashamed. We may have erred in your case. Tell me about it.
• You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.
• See or Read; Harvey Robinson's The mind in the Making.
• The little word “my” is the most important one in human affairs, and properly to reckon with it is the beginning of wisdom.
• I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myself to understand the other person.
• See or Read; Benjamin Franklin's autobiography.
• I made it a rule, to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiment of others, and all positive assertion of my own. I even forbade myself the use of every word or expression in the language that imported a fix'd opinion, such as 'certainly,' 'undoubtedly,' etc..., and I adopted, instead of them, 'I conceive,' 'I apprehend,' or 'I imagine' a thing t be so or so, or 'it so appears to me at present.'
• I am convinced now that nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong.
• I judge people by their own principles –not by my own
• Agree with thine adversary quickly —Jesus
• Be diplomatic, it will help you gain your point –King Akhtoi of Egypt
• Don't argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don't tell them they are wrong, don't get them stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.

Principle 3
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

• That policeman, being human, wanted a feeling of importance; so when I began to condemn myself, the only way he could nourish his self-esteem was to take the magnanimous attitude of showing mercy.
• I admitted that he was absolutely right and I was absolutely wrong; I admitted it quickly, openly, and with enthusiasm.
• If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn't it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? Isn't it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips?
• Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say –and say them before that person has a chance to say them.
• It is important, in making drawings for advertising and publishing purposes, to be precise and very exact.
• Mr. So-ands-, if what you say is true, I am at fault and there is absolutely no excuse for my blunder. I have been doing drawings for you long enough to known better. I'm ashamed of myself.
• I interrupted him. 'Any mistake,' I said, 'may be costly and they are all irritating.'
• My eagerness to criticize myself took all the fight out of him. He ended up by taking me to lunch; and before we parted, he gave me a check and another commission.
• Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes –and most fools do –but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one's mistakes.
• All of this has been my fault. I and I alone have lost this battle. —Robert E. Lee
• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• I was at fault and it is my responsibility to admit this.
• Let's admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm.
• “By fighting you never get enought, but by yielding you get more than you expected.” — Old Proverb

Principle 4
Begin in a friendly way.

• I am proud to be here
• We meet here not as strangers, but as friends… spirit of mutual friendship, our common interests, it is only by your courtesy that I am here.
• They can't be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentel and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.
• First convince him that you are his sincere friend.
• Hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.
• It was the friendly, sympathetic, appreciative approach that won.
• Gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force.
• “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” —Lincoln

Principle 5
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately

• In talking with people, don't begin by discussion the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing—the things on which you agree.
• Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the outset. Keep your opponent, if possible, from saying “No.”
• Hence the more “Yeses” we can, at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention of our ultimate proposal.
• It doesn't pay to argue, that it is much more profitable and much more interesting to look at things from the other person's viewpoint and try to get that person saying 'yes, yes.'
• Ask if… Are you the kind of person who likes to save money.
• Ask questions with which your opponent will have to agree.
• Keep on asking questions until, almost without realizing it, your opponents will find themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.
• As a gentle question—a question that will get the “yes, yes” response.
• He who treads softly goes far —Socrates

Principle 6
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

• Let the other person talk themselves out. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things.
• Why, Why
• Is that true?
• Almost every successful person likes to reminisce about his early struggles.
• Take the trouble to find out about the accomplishments of your prospective employer. Show an interest in the other person and his problems. Encourage the other person to do most of the talking–and make a favorable impression.
• Even our friends would much rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about ours.
• “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you” —La Rochefoucauld
• Ask them to share their joys with me, and only mention my achievements when asked.

Principle 7
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

• Isn't it wiser to make suggestions—and let the other person think out the conclusion?
• Urge people to tell you exactly what they expect.
• “I'll give you all these qualities you expect from me. Now I want you to tell me what I have right to expect from you”
• No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas.
• I had urged him to buy what I thought he ought to have. Then I changed my approach completely. I urged him to give me his ideas. This made him feel that he was creating the designs. And he was. I didn't have to sell him. He bought.
• Don't care about credit, care about the results.

Principle 8
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

• There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason—and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality.
• Stop a minute… Try honestly to put yourself in his place.
• How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?
• By becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect.
• The success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint.
• Look at things from his/her point of view.
• Pause and close your eyes and try to think the whole thing through from another person's point of view. Ask yourself: “Why should he or she want to do it?”
• I would rather walk the side walk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person—from my knowledge of his or her interest and motives–was likely to answer.
• Think always in terms of the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as your own—if you get only that one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping-stones of your career.

Principle 9
Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

• I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.
• Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.
• So, because I had apologized and sympathized with her point of view, she began apologizing and sympathizing with my point of view.

Principle 10
Appeal to the nobler motives.

• THe fact is that all perple you meet have a high regard for themselves and like to be fine and unselfish in their own estimation.
• A person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: One that sounds good and a real one.
• I sized you up in the firt place as being a man of your word.
• Find out what it was the company had done or failed to do.
• I'm sorry and, as a representative of the company, I apologize.
• Experience has taught me that when no information can be secured about the customer, the only sound basis on which to proceed is to assume that he or she is sincere, honest, truthful and willing an anxious to pay the charges, once convinced they are correct.

Principle 11
Dramatize Your Ideas

• This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn't enought. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it, Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.
• Television commercials about with exmples of the use of dramatic techniques in selling products.
• I was presenting the same facts this time that I had presented previously. But this time I was using dramatization, showmanship—and what a difference it made.

Principle 12
Throw down a challenge.

• “The way to get things done, is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel” —Charles Schwab
• The desire to excel! The challenge! Throwing down the gauntlet! An infinitival way of appealing to people of spirit.
• “All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory”
• What greater challenge can be offered than the opportunity to overcome those fears?
• The one major factor that motivates people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job.
• The desire to excel is what every successful person loves: The game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes footraces and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire to excel! The desire for a feeling of importance.

How to Change People without Giving Offence or Arousing Resentment

Begin with Praise and Honest Appreciation.

• It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.
• There are some things in regard to which I am not quite satisfied with you.
• Be diplomatic
• So far, mind you, not a word has been said about the real purpose of his visit.
• Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.

Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly

• Change the word “but” to “and.”

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

• How can you possibly expect her to have your viewpoint, your judgement, your initiative?
• Remember the time you did this… and that…?
• You have made a mistake, Josephine, but the Lord knows, it's no worse than many I have made.
• I have been guilty of so many stupid, silly things myself, I have very little inclination to criticize you or anyone. But don't you think it would have seen wiser if you had done so and so?
• It isn't nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.
• If a few sentences humbling oneself and praising the other party can turn a haughty, insulted Kaiser into a staunch friend, imagine what humility and praise can do for you and me in our daily contacts. rightfully used, they will work veritable miracles in human relations.
• Admitting one's own mistakes—even when one hasn't corrected them—can help convince somebody to change his behaviour.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

• Give; Suggestions, not orders.
  1. You might consider this…
  2. Do you think that would work?
  3. What do you think of this?
  4. Maybe if we were to phrase it this way it would be better.
  5. Is there anything we could do?
  6. Can anyone think of different ways?
  7. Is there a way…
• A technique like that saves a person's pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.
• Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.
• Approach it with a “we can do it” attitude.

Let the other person ave face.

• Letting one save face! How important, how vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it! We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person's pride. Whereas a few minutes' thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!
• Mr. Smith, you've done a fine job
• It may be a lack of experience, not a lack of ability, that was the reason for failure.
• Even if we are right and the other person is deifitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.
• I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.

Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

• Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.
• Praise is like sunlight to a warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, whilemost of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticsm, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the arm sunshine of praise. —Jess Lair, I Ain't Much, Baby—But I'm All I Got.
• A few words of praise have sharply changed my entire future.
• When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.
• Point out exactly WHY and HOW.
• Single out a specific accomplishment, rather than just making general flattering remarks.
• Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere—not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.
• Nobody wants flattery!
• Talk about changing people. If you and I will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realization of hidden treasures they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.
• Praise people and inspire them with a realization of their latent possibilities.

Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

• The average person, can be led readily if you have his or her respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability.
• If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
• “Assume a virtue, if you have it not.” —Shakespeare
• It might be well to assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop. Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.
• You do not know what treasures are within you.
• Since I left this morning I realized I hadn't given you the entire picture of our new line, and I would appreciate some of your time to tell you about the points I omitted. I have respected the fact that you are always willing to listen and are big enought to change your mind when the facts warrant a change.
• Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him. But give him a good name—and see what happens!

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

• Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique—be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it—and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.
• All because I was told I had a natural flair for it and the game was made to seem easy.

Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

• Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
• Use this make-a-person-happy-to-do-things-you-want-them-to-do approach.
• Do it so adroitly that the other person is at least contented with the refusal.
• After expressing his appreciation of the initiation and regretting his inability to accept it, he suggested a substitute speaker. In other words, he didn't give the other person any time to feel unhappy about the refusal. He immediately changed the other person's thoughts to some other speaker who could accept the invitation.
• The technique of giving titles and authority worked for Napoleon and it will work for you.
• The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behaviour.
  1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
  2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
  3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
  4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
  5. Match those benefits to the other person's wants.
  6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.
• …If it is done now, we won't be faced with it later.
• …You will have done your part to provide a good company image.
• Point out the benefits.
• If you increase your successes by even a mere 10 percent, you have becme 10 percent more effective as a leader than you were before—and that is YOUR benefit.

BE A LEADER

A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

• What do adults really want to study? They want to develop a skill in human relationships.
• Suggestions they can use immediately in business, in social contacts and in the home.
• They had seen some of the most important business successes won by men who possessed, in addition to their knowledge, the ability to talk well, to win people to their way of thinking, and to “sell” themselves and their ideas.
• Leadership gravitates to the person who can talk.
• The ability to speak is a short cut to distinction.
• Dale Carnegie claimed that all people can talk when they get mad.
• He claimed that almost any person can speak acceptably in public if he or she has self-confidence and an idea that is boiling and stewing within.
• Develop courage, confidence and enthusiasm.
• His main job was to help people conquer their fears and develop courage.
• Privide a combination of public speaking, salesmanship, human relations and applied psychology.